Here’s a cleaner, more polished rephrasing that keeps the meaning intact without adding drama or personality:
---
This is a place you stay once and likely not again. It’s not an area you’d want to be outside after dark.
The exterior of the building appeared clean, and the staff were friendly and pleasant. Unfortunately, that’s where the positives mostly end.
The hallways and room were very dirty and did not appear to be thoroughly cleaned beyond replacing basic amenities such as towels and sheets. The floors throughout the room including the bathroom, kitchen, and sleeping area were heavily soiled, with visible dirt and small pieces of trash. The shower walls were also unclean. The bathroom door would not close fully, and the shower curtain did not extend far enough into the tub, which caused water to spill onto the floor. We were glad we brought extra shoes, as we wore them anytime we walked around the room or went to the bathroom.
The pool was also quite dirty, so we chose not to use it. The advertised “free breakfast” consisted of a small oatmeal bar set up on a shelf in the lobby and was described as a grab-and-go option.
On the positive side, the heater and air conditioning worked well. The bed was reasonably comfortable, though it creaked throughout the night.
Overall, the main benefit of this property was its proximity to where we needed to be the next morning, and the price was about $20–$30 lower than nearby alternatives.